A beautiful depiction of one young ladies struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
OCD and Me
Same record playing again in my head. Trying to find the off button but to no avail. Seems like it’ll have to be today’s theme music once again. Let out a disappointed-but-not-surprised sigh. Attempt to ignore deafening ache between my ears. The one only I can hear. Still can’t figure out how to turn it off, we carry on. Pick up a glass, water fills it, drink. Put it down. Pick it up. Put it down. Pick it up. Put it down. Stop. Move away. Okay now I can go. Exit the area. Then a cloud out of hiding, shadows over my head. I freeze mid motion like a robot who’s battery just died. Dread fills my being. Something doesn’t feel right. What? “Did I repeat that enough? Did I touch it properly? Did I neutralize those thoughts correctly? Did I forget something?” Like boiling milk, the bubbles under the surface begin to rise. Would I get to the stove in time to stop it ruining the hob? Or will my anxiety completely boil up and blanket over onto the floor? A choice presents itself then. Much like every move I make. Every thing I touch. Every thought I think. To go back or not to go - that is the question. Even Willy Shakespeare can’t lessen the turmoil of this moment. Do I Don’t I Back Forth This way That. That records still playing. Now heavy percussions entered. Cymbals crash Drums beat down 4 additional tracks have been added. Now it’s a completely unharmonious out of sync chaotic disarray of obnoxious screaming illegible chatter. Before I knew it I find myself at the glass again. “Just once” was my mantra. We all know that didn’t happen. One turns into 5. Then a wave poured over me. Down came the volume. Somehow managed to only have minor spillage to the stove. The tide pulled back into a dangerous but not critical level. But at what cost? The reinforcement of illogical behavior and beliefs. Digging deeper into the groove of a nasty habit. “But at least I feel safe now right?” Momentarily. Until the next time. Like a contraction. Seconds or minutes apart and we play this game all over again.
About the Author
My name is Sabrine and I’m a 23 year old blogger and poet living in London with anorexia and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder who uses my platforms to try and raise awareness of mental health, help others through sharing my struggles and also share my poetry.
A Note From Our Host
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is often confused with being really organized and clean. This is entirely untrue!
Those with OCD have a combinations of obsessions, such as intrusive thought, and compulsions, such as repeated behavior, that can greatly impact everyday life. Those with OCD usually use a combination of medication and therapy in order to cope with this disorder. Even then everyday activities can be a challenge.
Making light of this disorder with phrases like “I’m so OCD” makes light of a serious disorder and reinforces misinformation and stereotypes. These in turn become harmful to those seeking help or looking to be understood and respected for their disorder.
Please be mindful of your language and do your part to reeducate those around you.
See more from our host Serene Life Consulting Here!