A beautiful depiction of one young ladies struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

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OCD and Me

Same record playing again
in my head.
Trying to find the off button
but to no avail.
Seems like it’ll have to be today’s 
theme music once again.
Let out a disappointed-but-not-surprised 
sigh.
Attempt to ignore deafening ache 
between my ears.
The one only I can hear.
Still can’t figure out how to turn it off,
we carry on.
Pick up a glass, water fills it,
drink. 
Put it down. 
Pick it up. Put it down. 
Pick it up. 
Put it down. Stop. Move away. 
Okay now I can go. 
Exit the area.
Then a cloud out of hiding, shadows 
over my head. 
I freeze mid motion like a robot who’s 
battery just died. 
Dread fills my being.
Something doesn’t feel right. What?
“Did I repeat that enough? 
Did I touch it properly? 
Did I neutralize those thoughts correctly? 
Did I forget something?”
Like boiling milk, the bubbles 
under the surface begin to rise.
Would I get to the 
stove in time to stop it ruining 
the hob? 
Or will my anxiety completely boil up
and blanket over onto the
floor?
A choice presents 
itself then.
Much like every move I make.
Every thing I touch. 
Every thought I think. 
To go back or not to go - 
that is the question. 
Even Willy Shakespeare 
can’t lessen the 
turmoil of this moment. 
Do I 
Don’t I 
Back 
Forth
This way 
That. 
That records still playing.
Now heavy percussions 
entered. 
Cymbals crash
Drums beat down 
4 additional tracks have
been added. 
Now it’s a completely 
unharmonious
out of sync 
chaotic 
disarray of obnoxious screaming illegible chatter. 
Before I knew it
I find myself at the glass again.
“Just once” was my mantra.
We all know that
didn’t happen. 
One turns into 5. 
Then a wave poured over me. 
Down came the volume.
Somehow managed 
to only have minor spillage to the stove.
The tide pulled back 
into a dangerous but not 
critical level.
But at what cost?
The reinforcement of 
illogical behavior 
and beliefs. 
Digging 
deeper into the groove of 
a nasty habit.
“But at least I feel 
safe now right?”
Momentarily. Until
the next time.
Like a contraction.
Seconds or minutes apart
and we play this game 
all over 
again. 

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About the Author

My name is Sabrine and I’m a 23 year old blogger and poet living in London with anorexia and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder who uses my platforms to try and raise awareness of mental health, help others through sharing my struggles and also share my poetry.

Instagram: www.instagram.com/Edmyjourneyocd

Website: www.edmyjourneyocd.wordpress.com

Appeal: https://sabrineelouali.threadless.com

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A Note From Our Host

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is often confused with being really organized and clean. This is entirely untrue!

Those with OCD have a combinations of obsessions, such as intrusive thought, and compulsions, such as repeated behavior, that can greatly impact everyday life. Those with OCD usually use a combination of medication and therapy in order to cope with this disorder. Even then everyday activities can be a challenge.

Making light of this disorder with phrases like “I’m so OCD” makes light of a serious disorder and reinforces misinformation and stereotypes. These in turn become harmful to those seeking help or looking to be understood and respected for their disorder.

Please be mindful of your language and do your part to reeducate those around you.

See more from our host Serene Life Consulting Here!